Underworld Theory

There are three types of cities. First, there are big cities like Mumbai, Delhi, etc. Second, are the tier-2 cities like Amritsar(Anurag, Kunal, Nanda, etc.) , Ludhiana(Bhulli) , etc. Then there is the third category, which hardly qualifies as a city and is usually accompanied by phrases like
"Then there is this small village called",
"Oh, i forgot to mention this village",
"Yeah, I know of this this village"...etc etc.

They lie on the periphery, hardly noticeable.

Now people from this category are generally smart enough to understand that they are not big-city boys, but they are not humble enough to accept that they are small-town boys. So they kinda suffer from this identity crisis. They keep looking for reasons/arguments to support their make-believe we-are-not-small-town-boys theory.

Along with this identity crisis is the mis-conception that "Our village is far more developed than your city".

The Underworld theory was advanced when our beloved underdeveloped-village boy BD was suffering from this developed-city syndrome. Though widely dis-credited by one and all, world still deserves to know it, since it is not everyday that BD comes up with a theory.

So kids(Since i have already widely propagated this theory among our compatriots, I am addressing future generations some decades down the line... considering that this might be BD's only legacy left in absence of other means of doing it), it was a Sunday afternoon. I was sitting in our living room with your uncle BD, and a few other friends. We were having our usual bantering session, which in our case was always taking dig at BD. And BD was his usual self, defending every argument and not accepting his village roots, not accepting that his village is still under-developed with no major development initiatives being taken.

Few dialogues..

BD,"Anurag Gupta, tujhe pata hai abhi kuchh din pehle news aa rahi thi ki Ferozepur,(yeah, this is where BD hails from) mein 2700 crore ki heroin pakdi gayi. Aur Anurag Gupta, 2700 crore to disclose kiya gaya hai...actual value to aur bhi zyada hogi. Tumhare Amritsar mein kabhi pakdi gayi hai itni amount".

We all had just one thing to say,"How is this statement related to development of ferozepur?"

Then came the moment of truth....

The Underworld Theory

BD,"Anurag Gupta, kisi bhi developed city, london, NY, Mumbai, Delhi, etc etc ko dekh le. In sab ki development underworld ke aane ke baad hi hui hai. Pehle yeh sab cities normal development dekh rahi thi. Underworld aaya, aur uske baad hi city ki rapid development hui..aur aaj yeh sab cities development index mein top pe hain. Ab Ferozepur mein bhi underworld aa gaya hai..ab tu dekhta ja, Ferozepur mega-city ban ne waala hai. Ab Ferozepur mein development hogi... Aur abhi kuchh din pehle Ferozepur ki central jail se 3 qaidi bhi faraar hue hain. Voh teenon Prison Break dekh ke inspire hue the. Tumhare Amritsar mein hua hai aisa kuchh "

Pin-drop silence for a few moments..and then the usual...loud laughter. While BD tried his level-best to make us believe his theory, none of us was listening.

Kids, i always though that development was about infrastructure projects being undertaken, basic amenities like education, food, etc. being provided to citizens, development of industry and employment opportunities, etc etc

But not your uncle BD. He had a radically different view on development and had to face the same consequences that all radical thinkers had to face.... Not understood by contemporaries and subject to laughter and ridicule...for a long long time..

Underworld theory was not the only development index advanced by your uncle BD.
Along with this, certain other sub-theories related to pointers of development were also advanced..

Border Theory

BD,"Anurag Gupta, hamare Ferozepur mein border kholne ki baat chal rahi hai.."
Anurag," BD, hamare Amritsar mein roz shaam ko border khulta hai"..
BD," Oye saale, mein aava-gaman ki baat kar raha hun. Border khol rahe hain taaki log aa ja sakein"
Anurag."BD, hamare Amritsar mein to yaar border aava-gaman ke liye 1999 mein hi khol diya gaya tha jab Lahore-Delhi bus service shuru hui thi"...

More laughter...

Railway Track Theory

BD,"Anurag Gupta, tum logon ke chote sheharon mein do-do railway track hote hain. ek jaane ke liye or ek aane ke liye. But hamari developed cities mein ek hi track hota hai, ussi se jaate hain aur ussi se aate hain. Two-way tracks."

i didnt say anything..everyone ws rolling on the floor and BD realised this. He tried in vain to make us understand whatever his point was, but it was a tad too late for explanations.

So kids, this was your uncle BD.
Next time when you hear of railway tracks being added to existing ones, dont be happy. And when you hear news of kidnappings, prison breaks, mafia killings, etc dont get sad. Just think of your uncle's theory. You will find hope even in that hour of despair. Who knows, BD's theory might be true.

And i really wish they do turn out to be true...may be he will then rest in peace.

Long live the radical. Long live BD..

Make way, the KING is back

Date: 8th Sept'08

Venue: Arthur Ashe Stadium, New York

Event: US Open Finals

Players: Andy Murray and Roger Federer

Result: As expected, Fed Ex wins.

Now this is not to go through the event again, this is to go over Federer and thinking of one of his biggest fans, ME.

It's one way or the other, either you are Federer fan or you are not. There is no middle path here. Nothing like,"You know, i like him but not that much" or "He is good. I like his game"...Oh save them buddy...answer is clear.
Everybody that i know falls in the above division and i guess that holds true for every tennis fan.

And i think Federer has earned this over years. The way he has dominated this game is simply amazing. 13 grand slams in a period of 5 years. 5 consecutive US opens, 5 consecutive Wimbledons...things cant get better.

Everytime he starts a tournament, its taken for granted that he will reach the final..and he invariably does. And then he takes it one step further. He wins the final. None of the other champions before like Pete Sampras, Edberg, Mcenroe etc had this much dominance over the game and for a such a long time. That speaks volumes about his game.

For such a medium built guy, he has tremendous strength in his arms . The amount of top-spin that he imparts to his forehands is unbelievable. In this final, when Murray hit a ball towards fed's forehand commentators said," I dont understand why people keep giving shots at his forehand. You can hit at his forehand when you are closing a rally, you can serve at his forehand but you never give him a ball at his forehand in the middle of a point."

There is an aura of invincibility around him. When you see him playing and hitting those amazing single-handed backhand returns, you just wanna see him doing that over and over again. You just wanna seee him winning. The innocence on his face, composure throughout the match, respect for opponents and the game overall, crowd-winning gestures,pre and post match comments win a fan completely. Then a person becomes one-of-us, the FED CAMP.

Federer, according to me, is undoubtedly the best player ever in the history of tennis. i am sure he will go pass Sampras's record of 14 Grand Slams.

Keep winning Federer. We all love you.

Keep of the Grass

Book: Keep off the grass

Author: Karan Bajaj

Plot: A ABCD(American born confused desi) Yale-graduate joins a investment Bank only to realise that he is not very happy. He wants to discover himself. So decides to do an MBA from India which will give him a chance to connect with his roots and in the process find answers to all his questions and self-doubts. Thus he joins IIMB. Plot then revolves around his 2 year experience at IIMB and the way it changed his life...

My views: For those who enjoy light-hearted, simple-written, without any life-altering gyaan fiction cum real life experiences book, this for sure is a winner. The novel starts in a filmi style and then takes you from Manhattan.,Wal-Street to IIM Bangalore's campus life and Bangalore's streets and bus drivers.

Two central characters apart from protagonist are Sarkar and Vinod. Sarkar,funniest chararcter, is an IITian. Always smoking a joint and having a sab-moh-maaya-hai attitude towards studies and things in general. He likes to live life on his own terms. The guy is gifted with an awesome mind and is among the toppers without any real effort.

Sarkar gives you the feel of an IITian. When it comes to numbers and logic, it's his world.

Author has tried to keep it very simple. He has stated his life experiences and his learnings from them, but has not tried to hammer it in a reader's mind. How much a person learns from this novel in terms of listening to your heart and being-where-you-belong is left for reader to decide.
All incidents and IIM life is presented in a very comic style with some hilarious sequences...

Like the one when he is on a summer intership and along with 29 other Management trainees is listening to the HR head of a firm. He is apparently bored by their general gyaan and is looking around when he founds a chap dosing off. Author says," I immediately started liking that guy."..

Or when he tells how during intership he hates the question forms containing questions like "Illustrate an experience where you demonstrated leadership abilities". According to teh author, most of the questions are repeated. His friend Sarkar does a funny thing. To one of teh questions he says," Check answer 2".

Or when an intern is asked, if given an option what animal would you like to be...and the chap replies,"I would like to be Pamela Anderson's lap-dog..because..because..do i need to say why?"

The way a Yale-graduate ends up in the bottom half of the IIM class reinforces one's strong belief in our education system. Novel definitely makes one ponder over life's choices, though not in a serious manner.

Read it for funny guy Sarkar, IIM's hectic but magic life, post quiz parties, joint-smoking with friends, vomits after drinking binge, I-Bank's lure , general reflection on life, confusions of ABCD's and their effort to come to terms with it.

All in all, a good read.

Anurag..Anurag...Anurag

Date: 3rd Sept'08

Venue: XYZ company's Office

Event: Weekly progress update involving analysts (from both onsite and offsite teams), client lead and country lead

Details: Before the meeting a progress report document was prepared and circulated to all.
It had project spilt into smaller work streams with colour coding used to indicate the progress level.

Almost all the work streams were either green(on time) or amber(a little behind schedule). One particular workstream was RED. Column next to colour index was labelled Reasons.
Mentioned in the document was "Resource not available".

Now lets do a time travel and go a little back in history. I had applied for US Visa on 1 July and was rejected on grounds of CRAP-CRAP-CRAP. This particular piece of analysis was to be done in Canada and the off-site resource was ME. I had applied for Canadian Visa and as usual, though not rejected, it was taking a greater time than usual. Apparently my smiling face from photograph on Visa form scares the daylights out of Visa guys, or my smiling face reminds them of misery their own life is and they reject / delay my visa outta spite...Whatever be the reason, deal is, i wasnt getting visa on time and so was not able to join the team in Canada. The particular piece in document that was RED was the one that i was supposed to do.

Now back to call. People are happy with the general progress of the project. Important points are discussed. Country head and client lead are both sounding satisfied. Then they come to the piece of work that is red. Cant tell you, how important and dignified it felt to be the centre of discussion for doing nothing. Everyone was taking my name.

"Anurag, so whats the current status?".
"Anurag, can you tell us the expected time when you are expected to arrive?".
"Anurag, we need you on this piece asap.".
"Anurag, can't we expedite the process somehow?".

Anurag...Anurag...Anurag

I had a feeling of Dejavu.

Friends hanging together and amidst friendly bantering, a question pops up,"Yaar, hum logon mein se sabse end mein kiski shaadi hogi?"

Anurag...Anurag...Anurag

Roommates check the refrigerator in the morning and finds out that all the rasgulle are gone. "Who ate them during the night?"

Anurag...Anurag...Anurag

Everytime something like this happens, whereby my name is taken by everyone, i think of the movie AUSTIN POWERS. In one of the scenes of the movie, Austin Powers meets Japanese twin sisters and asks them their names. One of the names was F***-ME.

What if i had this name. Everyone taking my name..F***-ME...F***-ME...F***-ME..
Spoiled for choice :)

Just one more thing. Those of you who have seen the movie might remember, name of the other twin was F***-YOU.

What if i had this name. Everyone taking my name..F***-YOU...F***-YOU...F***-YOU..
Reality bites :(

VISA

Date: 20th march'07. A thorough professional, me, with a smile on his face and confidence in his gait, walks into the den called THE AMERICAN EMBASSY.
From what i have gathered, B1 visa interview ia a cakewalk and i should face no problems.
After waiting in a line for about two hours it's finally my turn. I greet the a suspicious-looking official with a smile and a good-morning. The official in turn nods and says good morning to you too. How has been your day?

Well, thats a toughie? How has been my day... lets see, got up at 6 in the morning, had to shave to look formal, missed my breakfast because cook doesnt arrive till around 9 and i had to leave by 8 to reach on time for my 9:30 interview appointment. Then after reaching there, i am separated from my beloved mobile..two hours spent without her were like a torture.. then an agonizing wait for two hours in a line to appear before a person, going by whose looks you wont even feel like talking to him on any other day...

But anyways i suck all that and with a gracious smile i tell him that its been a good day so far.
He checks my papers, asks some banal questions and after around 5 minutes tell me, thank you sir...your interview is over...but i am sorry, i cant grant you a visa. Suddenly my face is all red and i am perspiring heavily. I ask for reasons and he tells me that he is not satisfied with my documents. I try and squeeze in some more information but he tells me coldly that the interview process is over and i can leave. I somehow manage a smile and greet him good afternoon (thinking not very deep inside, screw you asshole).

Date: 1July'08.A thorough professional, me, with a forced smile on his face and a dejavu feeling, walks into the den called THE AMERICAN EMBASSY.
Last interview is still fresh in mind. There are two windows for B1 visa interviews. Standing there in the queue waiting for my turn, i am trying to guess which of the two interviewers will i go to and with whom do i stand a better chance of getting a VISA this time. One of the guy looks very staunch and cold, lets called him Mr. X, while other looks very friendly and warm, Mr. Y.

Next turn will be mine. There is one person at each window. Person at Mr. X's window had left later. So i was kinda expecting and desperately praying that i be interviewed by Mr. Y. But then chair kills faster than a rope.

The interview at Mr. X's window was very short lived and going by that person's face color, result was easy to predict. And i was asked to cross the red line on the floor and proceed towards Mr. X's window.

A million thoughts were going through my mind. If god had granted me a wish at that time, i would have asked that please turn the red line into a lakshman rekha, so that i am not able to cross it till Mr Y is free for next round. But then it's me. Luck and i love screwing each other.

Same old fake smile, same old greetings, same old questions.....and guess what....same old result...and i am baffled?

WHAT DO THESE GUYS WANT FROM ME?

I ask for reasons and i am told that you are just a week old in your new organization , you have applied for an emergency visa(i had to travel within a week of joining, so had applied for an emergency visa) but you dont qualify for one...so effectively your company has mis-used the emergency visa procedure...also he was not convinced that as a new joinee its absolutely essential for me to travel to US for initial training and some meetings (project i was to work on was going on in 5 different countries for the same client and all the project people were meeting in US for a face-to-face interaction and discuss there understanding and learnings so far).

The verdict was given, i can appeal again (in the same court, probably against the same judge) 120 days later. But i think i am gonna pass.

VISA says in its add.."GO GET IT"

Please tell me how?

Singh Is King

Akshay is king............ true beyond doubt. I no-plot, utter-nonsense movie made definitely-worth-a-watch by our very own Akshay...

But it would be wrong to ignore other performances that made this movie hilarious..

Mr. Udaas with his rib-tickling nostalgic incidents

Jave Jaffery a.k.a Pappi. His almost-blind performance and comic dialogues to hide his apparent inability are great. His dance with a statue at the start of the movie and later during the song SINGH IS KING (where he keeps pointing his finger towrads a wall) were hilarious. This guy seriously is one of the most under-rated actors in bollywood.

Sonu Sood a.k.a Lucky. Guy looks very handsome and post his temporary paralysis becomes a literal push-over...from King to a Ungli-baba. The scenes where he is used as a passing tray between other characters were really funny.

Om puri a.k.a Rangeela with his thed-punjabi accent gives a good performance.

Katrina Kaif is there with her curves and dance sequences. She is looking really hot in thsi movie.

And now to the King.....its amazing how this actor can turn a silly non-sensical scene into a hilarious one. He has become a pro at making people laugh with his gestures and comic timing. No wonder he is one of the top-paid actors currently. He carries the film single-handedly for the first 45-50 minutes, before others arive on the scene. Scenes of panchayat, wedding song are all amazing.

Film loses some grip in last 25-30 minutes as the wedding day arrives but a great first half and a good 25-30 minute run at the start of second half make up for most of it.

All in all a great movie... definitely the best bollywood comedy i ahve watched till date.

P.S: A sincere thanks to my beloved friend BD, who accompanied me to this movie. Two punjabis at a movie about Sikhs.... deadly combo. No wonder we had a hell of a time.

The ubiquitous saree

I read this article in Hindustan Times' sunday magazine Brunch. It was about the way sarees are in fashion since almost 3000 years now. Some the figures there really caught my eye.

1.) According to a survey by textile industry, sarees account for more than one-third of total garment sales in india with an estimated value of about 53,459 crores.
2.) Only garment that has recorded a growth rate in sales of 8.8% from 1998 to 2006 when the sales for other garments had fluctuated.

No wonder sarees are considered "Evergreen"